Celebration and Mourning


This year has been a year of contrast. Of black and white, light and dark, of disappointment and expectation. It has been a year of lessons often learned the hard way and a year of growth and pain and grace all simultaneously happening at once. It was filled with days of tears that wouldn't stop followed by days of dancing and shouts of praise. I think in life we often measure our year by all of the good days, all of the milestones and goals accomplished, but if 2018 has taught me anything it is that everything is sacred. It all belongs.

This was a year of facing myself. Of digging up the roots that I thought were so firmly planted and looking for new soil to settle in. It was a year of new wine. Of the crushing and pressing working constantly to produce new fruit. And then there were the days and months of waiting for a harvest that feels like it may never come. It was a year of seasons. Some have yet to pass.

2018 was a year of emotions. It was a year of allowing myself to feel everything and sometimes nothing. It was a year of allowing others in and learning to walk away. Although false hope and the praying over promises that weren't fulfilled sometimes bruised my faith and my ego, this year forced me to surrender. To release control. To trust -- in others, in God, and in myself.

This was a year of believing that I had something to say and believing that people will listen.

It has been a year of live music and travel. Of days where I felt so full that I could burst. Many spontaneous nights spent on rooftops, in awe of the city lights and many healing days spent driving with the windows down, listening to my favorite songs.

2018 brought a lot of pain, for myself and others. I dealt with more depth and heartbreak than many years before. I was honored to walk with friends during their hard times and was honored when they walked with me through mine. Grace upon grace. Given and received.

To the people I met and spent time with this year, to the friends who were there for the hard days and to the ones who made many days better, thank you.

As I sit in my favorite little coffee shop on the last day of 2018 and I reflect on this year, I am thankful for both the good and the bad. For both the reasons to celebrate and the reasons to mourn. Everything is sacred. It all belongs.

Wishing you all the love and happiness in 2019!

Journal, WordsMarahCAR